


Peas in a Pod

by howlthenight



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Dark Humor, Humor, M/M, Parent Phan, parent!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 20:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7906573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlthenight/pseuds/howlthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanks to Phil and their offspring, Dan learns how uncool he truly is.</p>
<p>"Dan knows that tone. He hates it. It’s the unintentional smugness of knowledge coupled with the softness of one who doesn’t want to break your heart but does so anyway."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peas in a Pod

**Author's Note:**

> My friend really wanted me to write parent phan. I'd never written any sort of parent fic before in any fandom. It was five in the morning. This was the result. (I made up for it by writing Poetry and Hums for them).
> 
> This was a submission for Phandom Little Pop. Many thanks to wiinterberries for being my beta.
> 
> im--just--procrastinating did the cool doodling [which you can see here](https://66.media.tumblr.com/db774a2245feb7bc68727fdbb495c6a1/tumblr_messaging_ocdo7oLwe51sc29si_1280.png).
> 
> This is a work of fiction.

"OH MY GOD YOU TWO ARE SO EMBARRASSING!"

"What are you talking about? We're the coolest parents any kid could have!" Dan pulls out his finger guns and winks.

"NO YOU AREN'T."

"We're so nerdy and relatable that we're actually legit Cool."

"You haven't been cool in 40 years."

"We're only-"

"I KNOW."

Dan drops his head as Phaniel leaves the room. Having seen the moment unfold from the doorway, Phil comes over and pulls him into a hug.

“I suppose you understand now-” Phil pauses to consider his wording.

Dan knows that tone. He hates it. It’s the unintentional smugness of knowledge coupled with the softness of one who doesn’t want to break your heart but does so anyway.

“...you understand now, what I’ve always known; I am not cool. You are not cool. Doubling our powers only magnifies it.”

He hears Phil inhale deeply and he knows it’s only going to get worse.

“I’ll love you to the end of time but finger guns are only cool to other people who do finger guns.”

Dan pulls back and looks at Phil in shock, “How can you say something like that?”

Phil’s face and voice are solemn, “It’s the truth.”

Dan’s face crumbles in disgust and betrayal. He holds his finger gun up, slightly shaking, and points it at Phil.

Phil’s expression turns to one of dull unamusement.

Dan shoots. It backfires and he stumbles backwards from the force of the unexpected shot to the chest.

He lands halfway on the sofa, back against the seat cushions. His breathing is harsh.

Weakly, he calls for Phil.

Rolling his eyes, Phil makes his way over and stares down at the man he shares his life with. 

“What?”

“Come closer.”

He squints at him as he kneels. Dan is completely unphased.

“Dad, I- I- I’m dad.”

Dan lets his head flop to the side with his tongue hanging out, eyes closed and hands limp. Deceased.

Phil’s expression remains unchanged.

A reanimated corpse, Dan opens one eye and peeks.

“Did you imagine MMM What’cha Say? Because you should’ve.”

His eye returns closed, he’s expired once more.

Unbeknownst to both of them, Phaniel had come back to get  _ Zelda: Burninating The Water Temple _ and had seen almost the entire exchange.

“Oh my god.” It still gets them, how Phaniel has the same inflection. You’d have thought Dan had given lessons.

Phil’s head jerks in their direction and Dan lifts his head up to stare.   


“That was amazing!”

“ _Aha!_ I knew it! _See_ , Phil!”

Unbidden, Phil hears All Star playing in his mind. He brings his own finger gun to his head and pulls the trigger.


End file.
